Unit 3000-21 is warming, makes a humming sound

hey daniel.

i tried to message you on that shitstick chat program, you didn't answer

dreamsofpixies: (think of this as an annoying/humorous/weird/insane late night project, but i really felt like doing it)
i was going to post this in my deleted lj as a last post only to find, well...it's deleted duh. -_-
so i'm posting this to all the pals on that old list. not expecting replies, just as a last word...this will also prolly be in a past post
so it won't be strangely awkward for reader if that be the case? ::shruggles::

well back in houston again.
only for a term mind you :3
i just come and go, and as i've often longed for, i will soon venture off for much longer periods of time.
i think that time is right around the corner and i cannot wait for it.
houston will always be my foundation, but not necessarily my home.

it gets lonely in houston, but then again i have to make due for the lonliness i feel wherever i go.
in the end it's all right really. i suppose it only helps to become a little more independant.
i have spent a lot of time thinking this over, and i suppose it's because i've never learned my lesson on thinking about other people much longer than i should.

i guess all i have to say is that all of the people i've known, and i mean really known so i suppose from later middle school and on, have really made a special impact on my life. Of course i've scorned and negotiated. Often this was because I was either expecting too much from people or just trying to discover myself. Even people who don't really know me have often had very positive impacts on my life, especially at jones/carnegie. People whom i've never really talked to or had personal friendships with but kept the amazing community what it was.

it is true there are plenty of people i miss. and i would definitely be up to seeing how they are at any time and at any place. this isn't really much of an apology entry though. Initially i felt regret for many of the things i'd done and said. But i know there were reasons, and I also know that the judgements I made on my actions were from a small perspective. These conclusions were from a perspective of life in a bubble. Not that I didn't know much, but I certainly know more than now. In many ways I haven't changed, and in a few crucial ways I have.

I hope everyone manages to live a successful life. Successful because it is full of happiness and a sense of accomplishment no matter how small. Recently, and i'll admit i have Zachie to thank, i've learned how to change my point of view. It will never stop being insanely optimistic in the complete view, but I've nearned that some of my life goals were not necessarily for myself. And perhaps some of my short term hopes and dreams were not really for me but what I thought were supposed to be or what capitalist society has expected of me.

It's true that I will still feel disappointed or sad for many but i know most will assume they fall under that category and it is not so. i hope that some that have been especially close to me in my life learn to accept themselves for who they truly are and can learn not to be so hard on themselves. Not everyone has to fit a special image to be accepted, chances are you are just amazing already and you should be able to realize this without acceptance from someone else.

i still love you all and i hope you realize that the night is still young and some of what you may regret is only a drop in the bucket and should stay that way. afterall, anyone who was/is a friend of mine is generally good. ;3

btw, thanks so much to the select few in houston who have re-accepted or kept my friendship. haha, for some of you, i still broke off the ties and maybe it was just meant to be :D but for the rest, it is something i know will last and we will both be able to fall on for real support.

and the rest of livejournal-land friends, thanks for giving me a glimpse of your exciting lives. it's been fun!